Withholding Owning
by Lady Nzima
truths are subjective ___ I’m writing out ___ my version
my ___ perspective ___ my arty mind _ the understandings on my _ timeline
See my _ crusted ova scars _ beauty marks _ needs mysteries desires n crossfires
are all working _ _ my written legacies_ probably _ until my demise
I might even _ crash_ procession lines
thinkin_ to trash_ the dash
and _ throw up_ scannable barcodes_ on everythang sold
including my tombstone
Lawd have mercy on me_ I pray that don’t be _ my only upload
I stand here dancing alone_ bathrobed _ to Nina Simone Black Gold
She’s questioning _ where do time go
tryna wait_ to get old to unload_ the classic stories told _ to grandkids
just another soul_ to stop_ writing my guilt
in poetic _ crypted codes _ not ready for the expose
strealin second chance_ gotta withhold _ the ownin _ live the circumstance
I start _ where I gotta begin_ make it so_ I win_ to grin n live again
not afraid if _ my story includes _ or confuse
him_ or her or _ displeases_ _ so n so
see it was no _ _ we _ _ or _ _ they
only me _ that came out _ my mother’s pussy _ on my birthday
I own my original sins _ the burdens _ I asked for forgiveness
to dismiss _ my sketchy _ business _ to save the leftovers within
I pray my distance _ so not to get bitten again _ and again
I am human _ made with a mix of morals, flesh and skin
Stay digging our temples
We’ve been here before
can’t you hear our silent speaking
In synchronicity
didn’t you get our half notes written
in our walk years ago…
We bought the T-shirt.
Well our mirrored posture curves
the same
stance the same
3rd eye roll hadn’t changed.
furrowed brows
unsaid sass reads
y’all can kiss my ( _ )
red hat madness ain’t gone nowhere
so we stay ready
we wear our blackness on both sides
stay styling
stay phoenix black magic flying
rebuilding restarts
about black matters
of the heart
we can’t really
forget the dearly departed
so we cancel barriers
cuz some of us stay numb knitting
forgetting
sleepy
raising arms
un-fatigued
wit confederate
climbing capital hills
ancestors done
got chills
so we pause
pay homage
the cost
for the gains n loss
dig down drum back
Into temples
of familiar
un-framed
yet captured
our negro spirituals
are now free verse
still
the same
forward moving
rewound
reversed
New Life
Everything and all things from the inside now outlines me
my everything becomes
pillows to pacifiers milk and a bed
my edges of fear is now all fight and kill nurture and love
My womb and fine hairs
now antennas and guides
my unknowings are sure
my givings uninhibited
my nature curved
my breath holding n pausing listening to yours
my exhalings are hopes winking
and eye-smiles
All things inside now outlines
me outside the glows and grit…
My everything embraces the shedding the growing
the ethereal borrowing
of our time
My gratitude smells the crown of your head
as your toes nestles
into my fatty rolls
fresh stretch marks _ your bed.
