Withholding Owning

by Lady Nzima

truths are subjective ___ I’m writing out ___ my version
my ___ perspective ___ my arty mind _ the understandings on my _ timeline

See my _  crusted ova scars _ beauty marks _  needs mysteries desires n crossfires
are all working _ _  my written legacies_  probably _ until my demise
I might even _ crash_  procession lines

thinkin_  to trash_  the dash
and _ throw up_  scannable barcodes_  on everythang sold
including my tombstone

Lawd have mercy on me_  I pray that don’t be _  my only upload

I stand here dancing alone_  bathrobed _ to Nina Simone Black Gold
She’s questioning _ where do time go

tryna wait_  to get old to unload_  the classic stories told _ to grandkids
just another soul_  to stop_  writing my guilt
in poetic _ crypted codes _ not ready for the expose

strealin second chance_  gotta withhold _ the ownin _ live the circumstance
I start _ where I gotta begin_  make it so_  I win_  to grin n live again

not afraid if _ my story includes _ or confuse
him_  or her or _ displeases_  _ so n so
see it was no _ _ we _ _ or _ _ they
only me _ that came out _ my mother’s pussy _ on my birthday

I own my original sins _ the burdens _ I asked for forgiveness
to dismiss _ my sketchy _ business _ to save the leftovers within

I pray my distance _ so not to get bitten again _ and again
I am human _ made with a mix of morals, flesh and skin


Stay digging our temples

We’ve been here before
can’t you hear our silent speaking
In synchronicity
didn’t you get our half notes written
in our walk years ago…
We bought the T-shirt.
Well our mirrored posture curves
the same
stance the same
3rd eye roll hadn’t changed.
furrowed brows
unsaid sass  reads
y’all can kiss my ( _ )
red hat madness ain’t gone nowhere
so we stay ready
we wear our blackness on both sides
stay styling
stay  phoenix black magic flying
rebuilding restarts
about  black matters
of the heart
we can’t really
forget the dearly  departed
so we cancel barriers
cuz some of us stay numb knitting
raising arms
wit confederate
climbing capital hills
ancestors done
got chills
so we  pause
pay homage
the cost
for the gains n loss
dig down  drum back
Into temples
of familiar
yet captured
our negro spirituals
are now free verse
the same
forward moving


New Life

Everything and all things  from the inside now outlines me
my everything becomes
pillows to pacifiers milk and a bed
my edges of fear is now all fight and kill   nurture  and love
My womb and fine hairs
now antennas and guides
my unknowings are sure
my givings uninhibited
my nature curved
my breath holding n pausing listening to yours
my exhalings are hopes winking
and eye-smiles
All things inside now outlines
me outside  the glows and grit…
My everything embraces the  shedding the growing
the ethereal borrowing
of our time
My gratitude smells the crown of your head
as your toes nestles
into my fatty rolls
fresh stretch marks _ your bed.