by Brandon Robert Watts
Isaac closed his eyes and, within moments, had fallen asleep deep into a world that was surrounded by utter darkness. It is in that limbo realm between reality and his imagination that he found a space where nothing mattered, and nothing existed. In this world, he worried not about what comes for tomorrow or the day after. Nor did he have to put on this facade that he constantly carried around when he was awake. Here, in the midst of darkness, he was just himself.
But still, he had a complicated relationship with this dark and silent world. For it is in this world that he feels a step closer to God himself. While lying there, he often wonders if the peaceful feeling he is experiencing is the same feeling God had when he created the universe. There God sat in the midst of a darkness that moved upon the face of the deep. And with the snap of his fingers, he created life. How powerful that must have been to make something out of nothing. Sometimes Isaac could sense that power near him. Whenever he did, he got a yearning to dig down and confess to God his deepest and darkest secrets. But what held him back from opening up his scars to his creator is revealing what that creator may already know to be true. After, God is all-knowing. So maybe this darkness that Isaac has found solitude in isn’t all he has cracked it up to be. Could it be possible that he had used it only as a temporary place to foolishly convince himself that he had discovered the ability to hide from the one who knew him before he even knew himself? Had Isaac become like Adam and Eve when they also foolishly thought they could hide in the garden? Perhaps he was nothing more than a coward that constantly evaded the pressures from the outside world and only desired for the sun to go down and for the bodies that lurk around him to fall asleep.
Isaac knows that there is truth in all of this, but something about this empty space still calms the frightened spirit inside his body. It’s as if he was fallen in love with the quiet darkness, for it understands and knows everything about him without saying a word. It’s healing. It’s calm. It touches him in a way a woman never has, for it knows that Isaac is angry. Isaac is conflicted. He is sad. He is empty of joy yet full of regret. More than anything, he wishes to bow down and confess his sins but fears he would only do it again when he was back in reality. In the real world, he is lost, but he has found a glimpse of peace in the darkness.